I have to say this is not where I ever thought I'd be at 33. I always thought I would be married by now, with a couple kids or be a writer in NYC or something. I really never thought I'd be here, living in my grandmother's craft room working an almost full time dead-end job at a grocery store.
But then, nothing ever turned out the way I wanted anyway. I spent my twenties raising my siblings and keeping house. I didn't even have a job until recently. I'd wanted to go to college didn't happen.
Then again, I was not allowed to attend youth group, thus met nobody, I was homeschooled and we didn't have a car so never really left the house much, my parents were super religious at the time and believed women didn't need higher education as they're supposed to get married and have kids, etc, and they also didn't believe in dating. Not that that part matters, I also couldn't go to youth group or work at the local McDonald's like everyone else so I didn't know anyone to date anyway. Still don't for that matter.
I wanted to believe coming back to Florida was going to be a good thing, I did. And it was in many ways. For the first time in years, I'm discovering who I really am. I have a semi decent job, even if it is dead end. I finally have a license. I'm going to get a car and get to go to the cons I see on Facebook. I've learned I love geek and Fandom and cosplay and it empowers me like nothing ever has.
But. I don't think my grandmother wants us here. That hurts. I mean, I get it, I do. This is her house, it's been a certain way for a long time and with us here, it means changes. She isn't good with changes. Evidence is the bathroom decor that hasn't changed in 25 years.
I would love a place of my own. A place I can decorate with all my geek toys to my heart's content and nobody will say "don't you have enough of those?" or just shake their head and sigh because I know she and others think my geek toys are childish. But they bring me joy. They remind me of my strengths. When I cosplay I feel strong and invincible like the character I portray. And it doesn't matter what others think in those moments.
